Home and the Spirit City

So happy to be home

        I feel like we take home for granted.  Being away from home for so long, being in a hospital not knowing when I’ll be able to go home and relive my life again, it felt kinda like being in a dark hole.  Even though I knew what I was doing was necessary and I was surrounded by amazing health professionals who perform miracles daily, there were very few comforts and feelings of safety that come with home.  As soon as I stepped foot in my home, a cascade of relief overcame me.  I felt the wall I had up protecting me from all that I had been through just melt away and I just cried in relief.  It felt so good to be home.  It is truly a sacred place.       

My sweet baybeees

I took my first week home just resting and getting back in a routine of things.  It was so nice to be reunited with my cats.  I feel Choccy missed me the most.  He wouldn’t stop headbutting me and meowing like, where the heck did you go?  I cried when I pet him for the first time.  I missed him so much.  The girly cats were the same, wanting pets like I never left lol.  They are strong, independent gurlies.  Soon after my first week back, I realized how much I had to do.  Even in the midst of recovery, life doesn’t really give you a break.  There are bills that must be paid, projects that need to be done around the house, keeping up with bloodwork, meds and appointments, trying to make improvements on myself through my recovery.  The list goes on and on.  But we are managing.  I’m trying my best at least.

My Spirit City gurlie getting her blog done

I’m still trying to expand my lungs.  My chest is still pretty tight.  One of my fears is that I won’t make any progress and just keep being short of breath much like how I was pre–transplant.  Or I’ll have to get another transplant.  That would be a nightmare.  So I try to do my exercises my PT recommends and try to get on my elliptical everyday for at least 30 mins.  It’s challenging though because I can get so tired from all the meds and fogginess I have where I feel I can’t do it.  Normally, I would tell myself not to push myself, but this is kinda different.  I have to push myself.  I have to recover well.  It’s just something that I can’t really fail, not with all I’ve been through.  I’ve been trying out the game Spirit City: Lofi Sessions, which is a game on Steam where you can manage yourself with To Do lists, timers and stuff and have a customized character, bedroom and little pets.  It’s been really helping me go through all my to dos and motivate me to work out and get done all the things I need to get done.  I’m so glad I got it!  It’s been giving me ideas to do coworking streams.  I’m still toying with this idea.  

Museums and fountain dreams

Speaking of streams, I feel my return to Twitch is near.  I’ve been slowly revamping my stream, working on my branding, going to overhaul my About page and everything.  I feel when I go back to Twitch, I want to be more purposeful and focused on what I want Twitch to be for myself.  A lot of my journey back home is figuring out what I really want for myself.  This idea by the way, self actualization, is such a privilege to have.  I feel so grateful that, even though I’m still in recovery, once recovered, I have the strength, the oxygen, the heart rate to build my own life as I see fit.  Before, I always felt hindered and very limited.  There was only so much I could do.  Now, it brings me much joy thinking about how I can use Twitch as a communal and creative space.  My community makes me so happy and I can’t wait to stream again.

The candlelight

I’ve been able to go out a couple times and touch grass.  Well, mostly concrete but you know.  It’s been nice to get out of the house, get in my car, drive and feel like a normal person.  Therapeutic even. I was able to go to a candlelight quartet performance honoring Joe Hisaishi, the composer of Studio Ghibli music. It was magical. I was also able to go to the free day at the California Academy of Science.  They have a wonderful Planetarium and Rainforest Terrarium.  I love going there and getting lost in all the science.  It’s so good to lose yourself and learn about all the plants and animals.  I feel like in our capitalistic lives, we forget to make space for things like this.  Self-enrichment.  It’s so important.

Moukeni greeted me withdonuts as a

welcome home!

Overall, I’m recovering well.  I’m really proud of all the progress I’ve made and how I’m on top of all my meds and appointments.  I couldn’t have done this THIS well without help though.  Thank you to all my friends and family who had a hand in my recovery.  You know who you are.  Thank you so much.  I do still need help with my medical and living bills, so the GoFundMe is still open till we reach our goal.  I’ll be having an event for this on Twitch, so stay tuned.  Any help is much needed and so appreciated.  Thank you for reading.  I’ll be in my discord chatting as I get my to dos all done.  

Squad up

🎵 Current Spotify Playlist 🎵

The Breathtake

My playlist of late has been in transition. I have been listening to this intense classical piano artist, Joshua Kyan Aalampour, lately. If you wanna listen . . .

💙Please donate what you can and share the link to your community 💙 GoFundMe - Heart/Lung Transplant Fund